Mommin' Ain't Easy

As a woman with many roles, I wear many hats, sometimes multiple ones at once. But out of all my roles, Mother is my favorite and possibly the most important. This doesn't mean that I put my children before my husband or that I don't think being a wife is important; this role needs a bit more attention to detail, and there is much more compromising regarding self-care. As a mom, I am always in mommy mode, and since becoming a mom, my body has gone through MAJOR changes; each pregnancy is different and taking its toll on my mental, physical, and emotional being. Now that I am turning 40, I will have to make some lifestyle changes and find what works for my three boys, who all need me in different capacities and me. I plan to conquer motherhood while making 40 look good…

LIFESTYLE CHANGES

I was very active on my Instagram and open about my IVF journey. I talked about the challenges I experienced having to give myself injections because my husband travels for work and the changes my body underwent. I even talked about what my body went through during my pregnancy and childbirth. After having my second son, I started experiencing postpartum depression but was in denial. I honestly didn't have the time to deal with it because I had a newborn to care for and a teenager who also needed me. I was coping with my depression because I felt as though I was strong enough to and didn't have the time to address it.

Eight months after my son was born and I started feeling somewhat normal again, we discovered I was pregnant with our third son. The first thing I thought was, "HOW SWAY?!?" We had been trying for almost ten years and were unsuccessful until we did IVF, which took over three years to succeed. Naturally, although shocked, I was excited to find out we were having another baby. There was this part of me that was afraid and anxious. How would I have two babies under two and send my firstborn off to college? Plus, I had plans for my 40th birthday. I wanted to be on somebody's beach, with somebody's son (Ruth's son, to be exact), and my friends, looking like Jada Pinkett in a two-piece.

After accepting that this was not going to be the plan for the big forty, I started working on what I wanted my forties to be like with two toddlers and a college student. I am struggling with the changes my body is experiencing in this pregnancy while trying to cope with postpartum. I decided that to conquer motherhood in my forties and be fly while doing it, I have to start building up my confidence now. I must do the things that make me happy and give me peace. I must incorporate some lifestyle changes and set boundaries. Self-care is essential and usually what moms sacrifice but shouldn't. Self-care also plays a significant role in our self-confidence. When we feel great and look great, we exude greatness… and trust this greatness is a whole vibe!

Here's how I plan to conquer motherhood at forty:

1. NEVER SACRIFICE SELF CARE

As mothers, we must be in great shape mentally, physically, and emotionally. We have no choice because we have humans depending on us 24/7. We must be cooks, counselors, playmates, maids, doctors, lawyers, and comforters, all while having to adult and be present in our other roles. Did I mention I was someone's wife? With all this, we shouldn't have to skip out on self-care. As I said, self-care is the source of confidence. As moms, we can feel when we are about to reach a breaking point or when something doesn't work for our bodies. To overcome this burnout, I have started getting facials every four weeks. This time is non-negotiable, and I make sure I have someone available for my little one just in case my teenager is out, or my husband is traveling for work. This time alone allows me to reflect and digress from the joy of motherhood.

2. ELIMINATE NEGATIVE SELF TALK

When you speak negatively about yourself, you tell yourself lies. You internalize these lies and begin believing you're not good enough, inadequate, and incompetent. This contradicts what God says about you and who you are called to be. You can slay motherhood and slay in your personal life regardless of if you are a corporate mom, mompreneur, or a stay-at-home mom.

3. WAKE UP EARLY

This is one thing that I struggle with, especially being pregnant. But I found that I am more productive and relaxed when I get up before my one-year-old. Weird, I know, but I get to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, a real shower, and time to read my Bible, pray, reflect, and meditate. before my day gets started. I am ready for anything and have a lot more patience.

4. ALWAYS BE PREPARED

I have so much going on, and I forget a lot, so I always try to ensure I have things ready before I even need them. My pastor loves to say, "Stay ready, so you don't have to get ready!" This is a new thing for me as I am used to just being able to get up and go. When I have things ready and laid out, I feel accomplished. I always ensure my diaper bag is packed and ready to grab and go. My diaper bag doubles as a bag for the baby and me. If I am not with my little one, I have a purse packed and ready. Here is what I pack in my diaper bag:

KEITH'S STUFF

• Diapers

• Wipes (Baby wipes, Dreft wipes, facial wipes, and pacifier/toy wipes)

• 2 Change of clothes

• Pajamas

• Toys

• Sippy cups, fork, and spoon

• Skincare Items (Baby wash, lotion, sunscreen, ointment)

• Nose Frida

• Snacks

MOMMY'S STUFF

• Lip-gloss

• Perfume

• Hand Sanitizer

• Wallet

• Laptop

• Keys

• Starbucks Water Bottle